I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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