I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
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