I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
