Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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