All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
