Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
