Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
