We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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