we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
