I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
