he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
PANTIES FOUND
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
