He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize