Fine. I'll sleep in my office
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
