i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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