he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
