My nipple is on Facebook.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
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