Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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