I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
