Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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