i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
