i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
