Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
