I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
