So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Dick very happy bro
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
