I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You have to summon your inner elephant
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
