is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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