she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
