So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
