so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Let's get the cat blown out
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize