He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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