i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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