The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
