i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
