I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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