Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
