Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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