You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
