Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
