apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize