Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
