Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
