I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Acid is not a monday night drug
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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