Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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