In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
