I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
