Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
