His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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