Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I need to sanitize my soul.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
