Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
