as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize