Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
