Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Too much gin, very little bucket
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
