remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
