I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
