update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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