btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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