They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
try to milk me bitch
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
