nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize