im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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