i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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