I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
