Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
