I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
