I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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