nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
