i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
