ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
