bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i think i have herpe
just one?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
