god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
