Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Pooping to opera.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
