9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
