She announced her abortion via fbk
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize