wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
