He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
