I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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