so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
