Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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