I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
