I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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