Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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