You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
