just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
