i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
only you would photoshop your dick
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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