I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
