Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
