The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
