I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
