I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
