you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
