you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
