Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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