Where are you?
In a non slutty way
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
