oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
