Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
