Im at strip club and am horny
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
