A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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