His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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