sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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