You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
