worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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