There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
