I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
