using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
