I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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